dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she told me i tasted like america
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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