I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
