So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
