Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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