Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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