I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
