Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
