I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
