oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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