what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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