So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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