we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
