Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
