My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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