just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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