brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
