He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
