haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize