Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
