don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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