I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
