We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
