Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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