I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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