i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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