My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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