I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
