im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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