he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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