My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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