Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
