Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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