Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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