So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
