I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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