Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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