The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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