I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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