we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
