The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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