Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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