for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
