It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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