Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You smell like stripper and shame
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
