No stitches, just platelets and will power
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
