I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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