break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
