i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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