"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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