So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
