i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
