hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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