Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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