I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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