I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
