Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
