Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
