it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
