I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
