I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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