I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
