god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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