Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize