I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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