i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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