Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
