Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
