you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
