People in love make me want to vomit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
