If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
