btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
