I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
