Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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