You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I want a musical about memes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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