every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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