So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
