I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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