just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
